Am I Beautiful?

The 4th (and final) term of school started last week Wednesday and I was brutally taken from my beloved 2-week hibernation with term projects, graduation plans, letters, sports practices and plane tickets. By Friday (the third day of school), I was exhausted. I really looked forward to this weekend so I could simply take a step back and breathe for the first time in 72 hours... 

And if you think about it, that's exactly what I've done. 

Today is Sunday. 

• I woke up
• I got dressed (this is an achievement for me, please understand this.)
• I went to Palm Sunday Service
• I checked Facebook
• I even took a nap

Oh, and I packed up most of my life into 3 black plastic bags...

Yeah. 

All my life I have been collecting things. I have lived in two countries, made thousands of memories, wrote ten thousand words and loved one boy. And yeah, I have accumulated an insane amount of stuff in both places. Just looking around my room I see the Beta House flag, neon pink nail polish, 'Anna Karina', a Spanish Bible, a cup full of pens, sparkling berry bliss lotion, two teddy bears and a bunny. I have some pretty random crap, guys, just like you. 

But now, this chapter in my life is coming to a close and packing all these things away into boxes is just another step necessary to move on. I am sifting through things (mostly clothes right now), and piling them against the wall outside my room. The 'give aways', the 'throw aways' and the 'keeps', all mashed up against my wall. As I was standing there, looking at the Mound of Mostly Useless, I came to a very scary realization. I have spent the last couple years - my senior year mainly - hiding behind what I have. 

Even in a seemingly weaker society where materialism is supposedly a lesser issue, it is very a prevalent battle and I struggle with never having enough, or rather, never being enough. I have shamefully based my confidence - my identity - in what I look like to other person.  I have struggled with my self-image like millions of girls have before me; I have wondered whether or not I will ever be pretty enough. Now, having a boyfriend has quieted these voices more than I ever thought possible, but there is apart of me that still hates what I look like. Until recently, I was able to wear jeans and go on living my life with contacts. I hate that I have to wear glasses for Banquet and Graduation. I hate that I can't wear jeans until I leave country. For a long, long time, I hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror. And now some days, I can only tolerate it. 

I am simply not content with what I look like when I don't hide behind all the stuff I have. 

My makeup hides my imperfect skin. My clothes hide a body I am not proud of. My plastic smile hides the inadequacies I feel comparatively. 

But in reality, every part of me is a gift - a treasure known and loved by God. Awhile ago, I was told that if I look in the mirror and cringe, I cringe at God's masterpiece.

I cannot let my stuff define me, and neither can you. We are a generation of materialism and greed. We can never have enough. We can never be good enough. We can never be beautiful enough. 

So what would you do if I say that I agree with you?? What would you do if I told you that you aren't good enough? or that you will never be beautiful enough?

What would you do if I told you that because you don't have enough, you are a miserable disaster. 

It's like a slap in the face, right? 

This isn't an excuse to buy the whole world and bedeck yourself in layers and layers of plasticity. No. It means that you don't have enough and you will never have enough simply because you're looking for all the wrong things.  

You need God to be truly beautiful. That is all.

Think of it like this, you will never be perfect physically because God is a loving God. How sick and boring life would be if we all looked the same? How ordinary. If we all had that perfect stomach or that perfect hair we have envied for years, wouldn't it make sense that if we all had that American Eagle tan and perfect body, no one would be ever be beautiful? We are creatures of imperfection to glorify a perfect Creator. When a woman is  really, really beautiful, she has the perfection of her Savior shining through her cracked imperfection.

And really? As hard as it is to accept such a trivial answer, God loves us and He cares about the appearance of our hearts and minds much more than whether or not we have a gap between our thighs. And to Him, if we are pursuing True Beauty and running toward the reason why we are here, we are the most beautiful things alive. 

Don't let your identity be one that is easily packed away into a box or a bag. Your identity is who you are, a precious gift. Don't waste it. Your identity is the name the God of the Universe calls you by, a beautiful princess. Don't you dare cover it up.  

Now ask yourself....

"Am I Beautiful?"

From,

-M